Sorry to the Harley fans
Last year I was in Florida for a month on a course. I managed to spend two of the weekends on a rented motorcycle. The first was on a Harley Davidson Street Glide and the second was on an Ultra Classic Electra Glide.
Not all of you will be fortunate enough to be able to ride these classic motorcycles in Florida so this is my guide to recreating the experience at home.
You will need to purchase, borrow or steal the following items:
Washing Machine. (Front loading with dual spin speed)
2x 3Kw 3 bar electric fires.
3x Electric extension cables.
Western Saddle. (See some horsey people for this one)
Battery powered cocktail mixer.
House Brick.
Cable ties.
Duct tape.
A willing friend (get your minds out of the gutter)
Broom Handle.
Two wooden crates or similar.
2x 3Kw 3 bar electric fires.
3x Electric extension cables.
Western Saddle. (See some horsey people for this one)
Battery powered cocktail mixer.
House Brick.
Cable ties.
Duct tape.
A willing friend (get your minds out of the gutter)
Broom Handle.
Two wooden crates or similar.
Method:
On the hottest day of the year take the washing machine outside. Don’t worry about water supplies, only electricity is needed. Use one of the extension cables for this purpose.
Cable tie the brick to the inside of the washing machine drum. Ensure that it is secured well.
Duct tape the battery operated cocktail mixer to your crash helmet. (Please note that helmets are not compulsory in Florida but I do not recommend duct tape on bare flesh.)
Place the western saddle on the top of the washing machine and secure well with duct tape.
On either side of the washing machine place one of the crates with an electric fire on top, as close as possible to the machine with the elements facing out. The crates should be sufficiently wide to ensure that your feet can be placed next to the electric fires without touching them. Connect the fires to the remaining two extension cables. At this stage they should remain switched off.
Make yourself comfortable on the saddle, placing your legs over the electric fires so that your feet are supported by the wooden crates. You will feel like you are doing the splits, but it is good exercise for your thigh muscles.
Grasp the broom handle firmly in your hands. Don’t worry about the foot controls, they are always out of reach anyway.
To simulate the starting of the engine get the assistant to rotate the washing machine drum by hand. The weight of the brick on one side will put the drum sufficiently out of balance and the vibration will be felt through the saddle.
After one minute the assistant can switch the electric fires to 1 bar.
To simulate slow moving traffic have the assistant turn the fires up to 3 bars once 5 minutes have elapsed, and continue to turn the drum slightly faster by hand.
For simulating speeds of below 45mph the assistant should put the washing machine on the lowest spin speed and turn the fires down to 2 bars.
Simulations of 45 mph and above require the assistant to turn the washing machine onto fast spin, the electric fires to 1 bar and turn on the cocktail mixer on your helmet. This will give sufficient blurred vision to make you believe you are re-entering the earth’s atmosphere, though the heat experienced will be marginally less.
Once you have had enough fun turn off everything except the electric fires which should once again be turned up to 3 bars. Attempt to dismount without having to go to a specialist burns unit afterwards. Spend the next ten minutes trying to get your legs closed enough to make walking a practical proposition.
Cable tie the brick to the inside of the washing machine drum. Ensure that it is secured well.
Duct tape the battery operated cocktail mixer to your crash helmet. (Please note that helmets are not compulsory in Florida but I do not recommend duct tape on bare flesh.)
Place the western saddle on the top of the washing machine and secure well with duct tape.
On either side of the washing machine place one of the crates with an electric fire on top, as close as possible to the machine with the elements facing out. The crates should be sufficiently wide to ensure that your feet can be placed next to the electric fires without touching them. Connect the fires to the remaining two extension cables. At this stage they should remain switched off.
Make yourself comfortable on the saddle, placing your legs over the electric fires so that your feet are supported by the wooden crates. You will feel like you are doing the splits, but it is good exercise for your thigh muscles.
Grasp the broom handle firmly in your hands. Don’t worry about the foot controls, they are always out of reach anyway.
To simulate the starting of the engine get the assistant to rotate the washing machine drum by hand. The weight of the brick on one side will put the drum sufficiently out of balance and the vibration will be felt through the saddle.
After one minute the assistant can switch the electric fires to 1 bar.
To simulate slow moving traffic have the assistant turn the fires up to 3 bars once 5 minutes have elapsed, and continue to turn the drum slightly faster by hand.
For simulating speeds of below 45mph the assistant should put the washing machine on the lowest spin speed and turn the fires down to 2 bars.
Simulations of 45 mph and above require the assistant to turn the washing machine onto fast spin, the electric fires to 1 bar and turn on the cocktail mixer on your helmet. This will give sufficient blurred vision to make you believe you are re-entering the earth’s atmosphere, though the heat experienced will be marginally less.
Once you have had enough fun turn off everything except the electric fires which should once again be turned up to 3 bars. Attempt to dismount without having to go to a specialist burns unit afterwards. Spend the next ten minutes trying to get your legs closed enough to make walking a practical proposition.
I do hope that any Harley Davidson owners reading this will see it for what it is, a bit of fun. I have to say that the Street Glide I was not fond of, but I did enjoy the Electra Glide. Still sticking with my ZZR1400 though.
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