Saturday, 18 April 2015

Cats and Dogs

Just as mathematicians know there are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary, and those who don’t, then animal owners are divided into those who like dogs and those who like cats. But what about the rats and spiders and snakes and hamsters and fish and and….? Yes I know there are many types of pet, but when was the last time some one told you they were an Iguana person? People will always say if they are a dog or cat person.
Cat owners (I’ll deal with this concept later) will explain the reason they like cats is precisely for the opposite reasons people like dogs.
When you come home to a dog, it will run to greet you, make a fuss, get all excited. You may only have been out to the car to get that last bag of groceries, but to the dog, every time you come through that door, you might as well have been on an expedition to Mars.
A cat on the other hand, may not even notice your absence, especially if it occurs between feeding times. If it does observe your arrival, you might be privileged to see one eye open briefly, before closing again to get that much needed sleep. After all, they did have a hard night - sleeping, and now they need a rest. And just try moving a sleeping cat. They have an ability to change their mass to that of a small planet.
Dog owners pamper their animals, and the dogs love it. They will happily lie there for hours while the owner grooms them. Cats, well they have servants, they are fed by them, and on occasion may be allowed to groom the cat as a special favour. They will let you know when the grooming should be stopped, by a process known as blood letting.
Throw something for a cat to fetch, it won’t even notice. It will sit staring at you in puzzlement. Point, and it will look at your finger. The canine counterpart runs off to find what ever it is you threw away, and will bring it back to you, again and again.
Tell a dog to ‘come here’ and it will obediently arrive at your side. Try the same thing with a cat, and if it acknowledges you at all, you will get a remarkable impersonation of Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver, ‘You talking to me?’ before it walks in the opposite direction, or washes its unmentionable parts.
In the morning, a dog will lie waiting until such time as the master rises. A cat knows the precise time you should be awake, and exactly 1hr 30 minutes before, will start the wake-up call. A gentle tapping to the face followed by a quiet meow, rising to a smack in the chops accompanied by a loud yowl. Should these fail to arouse you from your slumbers, then sinking its teeth into the end of your nose always has the desired effect. 
I have owned dogs in the past, but for some reason, cats have owned me all of my life. I am now owned by two, and they hate each other. What fun that is in the morning.

No comments:

Post a Comment