A guide to burning meat

A guide to the barbeque.

It’s that time of year again, when the guys get their aprons on and show the women how to cook meat (apparently).

Maybe it’s a throwback to being the hunter-gatherer, who knows? – but most of us enjoy a good old barbie (this is not a reference to dolls. The judge told me I had to stop that sort of thing).

Anyway, I digress. What is the secret to a good bbq?

First of all, get someone else to invite you to theirs. That usually works out well. You get to enjoy the same burnt meat as you would at your own, but without the effort. If that fails then here is my guide to cooking outdoors.

Ensure you have enough meat. Nothing is worse than a bbq that is all side dishes and no protein. The idea is to show off your cooking prowess, after showing off your hunting skills ( OK, we hunt at the butchers these days, just as dangerous on pension day as hunting in the wild.)

Prepare as much as possible the day before. This includes the meat. Pre-cooking the meat beforehand makes life a lot easier. I don’t mean fully cook it, but enough to reduce the time on the bbq. Don’t worry, there will still be enough juices dropping onto the coals/flames to produce the smoke which gives bbq meat its flavour. (Apparently, in tests done elsewhere, gas bbq’s give just the same flavour as charcoal ones. I tend to agree. We have a gas one and I can still get that carbon effect on all my meat). Salads, coleslaw, salsas etc., can all be prepared in advance.

Make sure your bbq is up to temperature in plenty of time. If you are using charcoal, remember it takes at least ten to fifteen minutes to get it to the right temperature.

If you haven’t prepared in advance, (why not?!) make sure you put on first the meat that needs a longer cooking time. No use sticking the sausages on when you have chicken portions to cook. The idea is to have all your meat cooked to perfection at the same time, so use heat zones and timing to ensure this happens.

Don’t overcook. This is one of the reasons you should pre-cook. There is always the temptation to leave chicken on a little longer ‘just in case’. Pre-cook and this isn’t necessary. Alternatively, use a meat thermometer. Not too expensive, and your meat will be spot on every time.

Only invite friends that will lie to you about the quality of food (this is very important if you didn’t pre-cook, don’t have a thermometer, or left it on a little bit longer ‘just in case’). Alternatively, ensure there is enough to drink so they don’t care anyway.

Don’t get stressed. At a bbq people will wait longer for their food than they would otherwise, and will eat pure carbon if they have to. Hunger can be useful.

Bon appetit.

p.s. In Bahrain, there is an easy way to cook meat. Put it on a griddle outside for ten minutes. Job done.